I’m not exactly sure how to start this post. Darn you, bullies! There, I feel somewhat better. I’d feel tons better if this type of student behavior didn’t exist! Unfortunately, that’s not the case, so I suggest we focus on positive strategies and solutions for addressing student bullying.
So, then, how do you handle bullying in your classroom and on the playground? What strategies do you teach students for dealing with the aggressive behaviors of others? And what about the child who continues to bully? What tips and strategies do you have for helping this child as well?
Let’s join together and do our part to put a stop to bullying!
Hugs,
Diane
PS: I recently discovered a delightful picture book that addresses bullying. The book, Howard B. Wigglebottom Learns About Bullies by Howard Binkow, features an endearing bunny who is repeatedly bullied at school by the Snorton twins—two very inconsiderate hogs. It’s a fun read that’s packed with valuable insight for children and adults. Give it a look!
I learned about an anti-bullying program at a PBIS Conference I attended two years ago. It is called “Stop, Walk and Talk.” The third grade teacher and I explicitly taught the program to students in grades K-6. We talked about what a bully is and what bullying behavior looks like. Then, we engaged the students in some role playing activities. We also discussed what it means to be a bystander, and how if a student witnesses bullying and does nothing about it, he/she is no better than the person doing the bullying. We saw a small reduction of bullying on the playground after implementing this program, but it does take a lot of teaching and reteaching to be effective.
I am not sure how to begin with this. There is a 5 yo who has had issues since he was at least 2 as far as i have researched this. He runs up and hits or pushes the other person wether girl or boy down. The parents refuse to believe there is anything wrong. I am not sure how to approach this because he has gotten physical with me as well.I am not the only teacher he has done this with. Is there any helpful ideas out there?
This is on my mind. Maybe it is because of all the media about it. I just have a soap box comment and then I will shut up. It really rubs me the wrong way when “teachers” are lumped together and said not to care. Or, that we just let it happen and do nothing. I don’t know a single teacher who does not know who the bullies are in their classroom. I do not know a single teacher who does not try to do something about it. Sometimes our hands are tied. What can you do to “punish” a bully these days? I can put him in time out. I can take his recess away. I can watch him like a hawk. But, really what can you do? EVERY class I have ever taken on bullying tells me how to identify them. It never tells me what to do once I have identified them. I know who my bullies are but how do I get them to stop picking on the kids in the classroom? How do stop the name calling? I read all the great books that are out there. I teach what to do. I teach how to interact with friends. I teach how it feels to be called the name. We talk about what to do if it happens and yet, I can’t get it to stop. And, I am not one of those “teachers who stand by and let it happen.”
Kids only bully because they don’t know how to feel peace about themselves. They will work their feelings out by making others do what they want them to do. I try to give those kids something super helpful to do. When they get their minds off themselves, and to do something for others, usually they feel so wonderful about themselves they begin to not only get over the control they had needed by bullying, but they begin to become so proud of their behavior & choices they will become awesome leaders. Your class bully can become your class leader & helper. Remember, hurt people hurt people. We can change the dynamics by showing love to the ones who have the hardest time showing love. Teach them by modeling it. Of course we cannot allow bullying & cannot condone or ignore it, however the part that we play as teachers is to show how to accept & to love. Don’t forget that not only to we have to deal with the bad behavior, we have to teach the positive. Our children must feel peace about themselves by knowing they made a right choice and can get attention for doing something wonderful instead of something horrible.
To address bullying issues in our school, we try to create an environment where bullying is not acceptable. To this end, we have developed special programs and opportunities for both students and staff. We have a weekly “Stars” (Students That Are Special) program were students are recognized for good behaviors. We hold monthly assemblies where one student from each classroom is recognized as the “Student of the Month”. We have had guest speakers come to our school and speak with the staff on bullying laws recently initiated and our responsibility as teachers. Each classroom teacher conducts a morning meeting promoting inclusiveness of all students. Staff use the “Teaching Children to Care” responsive classroom techniques and we have a very pro-active conflict resolution program. This year, we have initiated a collaborative anti-bullying campaign with students, staff, parents, and the outside community. One of the end products of this campaign will be the display of posters, digitally created & designed by students, on bullying. It is a wonderful way for students to claim ownership of the ideas and concepts we are trying to highlight. We are a K-5 school.
Other terrific books to introduce and read to students are “Chrysanthemum” by Kevin Henkes and “Thank you, Mr. Falker” by Patricia Polacco.
We are also trying to write a grant to cover the expenses of this year’s anti-bullying campaign. If anyone has any suggestions as to a foundation/corporation that would be receptive to this submission, it would be much appreciated.
As with all tough social issues, talking about the problem and facing it head on is, in and of itself, a large part of the solution. Thank you, Diane, for opening the door to discussion and sharing. Any effort to impact this problem could truly be lifesaving.
Well, like Tirzah, I need to just hop up onto my soapbox and then I will hop right down…I promise! I am so frustrated with all of the bullying that takes place and SO wish that there was a one-size-fits-all solution across the board. I think it is such a multi-layered issue that it is extremely difficult to get this wide spread issue to come to a hault. Okay..gonna get on that soapbox now….I am tired of hearing schools say that they have a ‘zero tolerance’ policy when it come to bullying UNTIL they are faced with it…then lots of times it turns into something else. I am so sick and tired of many schools saying that they were not aware of any of the issues happening although parents report how they have called, arrived at and practically picketed the school trying to get help. My husband and I had an experience with this first hand with our oldest son in his 6th grade year thru his freshman year of high school. He was continuously harassed, tormented, attacked several times with bloody nose and torn clothing by the same boy. The last time it happened, we were called into the school to tell us that Zac was going to be suspended and when asked why (since he was sitting there AGAIN with a bloody nose, fat lip and torn shirt) the principal and guidance counselor said because he put up his hand to cover his face and that they have a ‘zero tolerance’ for this type of behavior. I almost went through the roof! I told them that would not be happening and Zac would be in class the next day. As my husband and I recounted the NUMEROUS phone calls, visits to the school, ect. over this same situation, the principal finally said “Well, we know that Zac comes from a good home. Johnny comes from a bad family with alot of issues so, there is nothing we can do.” Oh, my word!…I was floored! I could not believe my ears. As an educator I find this utterly ridiculous! I feel so saddened when I hear the recounts of these many parents who say how many times they went to the school for help and nothing was done…then the school either says that they had no idea that it was happening or they say nothing at all. Yes, we do have limitations BUT when bullying is happening in our schools we have an obligation to ensure every child a safe and happy learning environment. Zero-tolerance MUST mean zero-tolerance….there are too many kids suffering and living in fear….and in alot of cases, ending their lives over the bullying. Makes me sick…how many more kids need to be sacrificed until something is done to REALLY help our kids?!
Phew…sorry, I will jump down now…did not mean to offend anyone. Just get very emotional on this issue.
In dubious defense of some teachers and administrators who are unwilling or unable to impose consequences for bullying behavior – many times the bullies are bullied and abused themselves in the home. This is not an excuse, it’s just a sad fact. Administrators and teachers who know the circumstances that some children live with may be unwilling to risk causing the child more physical and psychological harm by “rocking the boat” with an abusive parent. Again, this is definitely not an excuse, especially bearing in mind our moral and legal responsibility to report and help prevent any type of child abuse. I know from experience that it can be very intimidating to take a stand against an adult who is abusive. But, here’s the thing, it has to be done. Innocent people are being hurt, probably scarred for life, and keeping quiet about it only compounds the problem and allows the cycle to continue. We have to keep trying, no matter how futile it seems, because if we, the people who are charged with the responsibility of educating and advocating for all children, don’t take a stand for both abuser and the abused, who will?
What do you do when a teacher is part of the bullying? I have been a target of the bully (my “assistant”), and she encourages, by example and by not doing anything when she sees or hears it, “favorites” to bully. I feel like all I do all day is monitor the bullies and redirect them when she starts &/or supports the behaviors. My supervisor does not realize this situation is as bad as it is; I am a new lead teacher in the classroom, and when I asked for some intervention, I was told to “work it out”; apparently the lead teacher prior to my hire had no issues with this teacher, or (horrors!) this was normal classroom routine. These children are only 4-5 years old! The assistant has a longer history with the families, and is talking to them, as well as over-reacting to every statement I make in the classroom, in a way to deride everything I do (in front of the children, no less). I am constantly having to defend the simplest things I do in the classroom to parents on the offensive.
Why not have a video camera or phone at the ready, capture a bullying incident on video and have “proof”
when the bully’s parents refuse to believe THEIR child acts in such a way. Recruit Peer Pals to stand up to the bully when they see “it” happening. There would need to be more than one brave soul who says, ” Why do you do that? Are you having self esteem problems? Is that why you are picking on “Billy”? No student should confront the bully alone. A couple of Peer Pals could stay with the “bullee” until the bully either gives up or the attention of the teacher is raised.
I am a retired teacher, as well as a parent and I told my classroom as a whole, that name-calling and bullying would not be tolerated on my watch as playground monitor and that tattling was not necessarily a bad thing.
Lets address the real Problem: why we are missing the mark on bullying.
I was a bully.
I didn’t plan on being one. In fact, before then, I was a victim of bullying. As a freshman in a all boys boarding school, I along with all of the junior students served at the behest of the “Prefects”, a small group of senior students. They ruled our school with a heavy hand and had more powers than the teachers. They bullied us physically and mentally , once we had to jump on our knees, other times they banned us from wearing pants and limited us to shorts to serve as a constant reminder to who we are. Verbal humiliation was an everyday occurrence as well.
Four years later, I became a “prefect”, a bully and part of a system I once despised. We would raid the freshman area in the middle of the night and make them follow whatever we ordered them to do at 2am or face severe punishment. We called them names in front of the dinning halls and used them as practice dummies during rugby games.
All of this was acceptable – condoned by the school faculty at the time because the “Prefects” were seen as the guardians and mentors of the young students. Today the danger of bullying and its impact on our society is finally shaking many people awake. Many groups and organizations have made significant steps in our fight against bullying but there seems to be a growing number of bullying related deaths in America and the world.(STATISTIC)
So where’s the disconnect? Why are we letting this happen?
Where does bullying start?
In our efforts to address this growing problem, we tend to focus more on the end result of bullying rather than why it starts. The kids we recognize as bullies and vilify as the aggressors could easily be our very own children or next door neighbor. In other words, for every victim, there is a perpetrator, and I set out to find out what turns a lovable kid or teen into a bully. For the last couple of years, I compiled a case studies I believe could be a catalyst in our bid to stop bullying.
Throughout my entire experience, I noticed the common motivation behind bullying is fear. As a victim, I was afraid to fight for what I knew was right and as a bully, I feared loosing the tight grip of power I held. It is this fear that keeps things status-quo and continues the cycle.
The same basic principle plays out in schools today. Bullying is almost always a direct or indirect by product of fear. “Fear” of being labeled, “fear” of being uncool, fear of being seen as weak. Most of not all instances of bullying are rooted on fear. Sadly, it is this fear that prevents kids from living a free life, where they are free to be different, to be gay, to love a certain kind of music or activity, to be themselves.
So how does true change take place?
Define bullying with your kids and talk it out: For teens public perception has a substantial influence on their daily decisions. We need to clearly explain to kids what bullying is, how to spot bullying tendencies within themselves and how to avoid acting them out.
Take away the cool factor:
Show kids that bullying stems from fear, and we could effectively render bullying as an “uncool” deed. The largely successful anti-smoking, “Truth” campaign and the anti-drug, “Rise above the influence” campaign ads help significantly reduce those habits among young people. A well executed marketing campaign endorsed by a popular teen celebrity that showcases bullying as an unacceptable act can help garner attention for the cause.
Be aware of tendencies towards bullying developing in kids:
Educators, parents and children alike must be able to recognize the signs and symptoms of bullying before the problem gets out of hand. If there is a widespread understanding that fear is the underlying emotion perpetrator of the bullying cycle, those who observe a child who exhibits signs of fear and insecurity can spot a problem early on and raise concerns.
Encourage self reflection:
Talk with children who are bullying others and encourage them to consider their behaviors. Often, another problem is bubbling beneath the surface and it is necessary to determine the rot of the behavior in order to fix it. Since this self-examination can prevent those problems form manifesting into something more harmful, the earlier it takes place, the better.
Promote open communication about bullying problems:
We have to change the way kids view talking to adults and authority figures about bullying issues. Kids are often worried about “snitching” and the negative perception of telling adults when they are having these types of problems. We must convince them that it is brave courageous and admirable to put an end to the situation instead of remaining silent.