Do you know of any grown-ups who can’t apologize? Sure you do! I do. Apologies are difficult, even for adults. That’s why getting a decent apology out of a child is near to impossible. Kids are pros at the insincere apology. You know what I’m talking about. It’s the apology accompanied by an eye roll, the apology with the sullen voice, or the mumbled apology that promises the person is really just going to turn around and repeat the offense. As a child, I have been both the giver and receiver of those apologies.
So how do you teach children to apologize the correct way? It’s important to think of an apology as more than just stating, “I’m sorry.” What are you sorry for? How will you make this better in the future? And all of this must be said without grumbling and glaring.
I think that this article does the best job explaining how to teach children to apologize. It covers the necessary steps needed in an apology plus the importance of tone of voice and body language.
Teaching your students to apologize in this way is sure to benefit your classroom climate. But if it doesn’t, I’m really sorry. 😉
How do you teach children to apologize?
I find that many children don’t know how to or simply don’t want to apologize. I teach my students to look their friend in the eyes, say their name, say why they are sorry, and encourage them to not do (whatever) again. Then, we ask for forgiveness and the “victim tells them how they feel and it should not happen again……most kids at the first grade level empathisize with each other because they cannot stand being wronged themselves. Usually we end with a handshake or high fives…….sometimes even a hug. The proof is the offence not happening again.
I do teach them to say “I’m sorry.” Instead I give them the words. “I was wrong to knock over your tower. CanIhalp you rebuild?” ” Iwas wrong to hit you, I won’t do it again.” Saying sorry sounds and often is insincere. Kids get saying, I was wrong. . .
I teach my little Kindergarteners to say three sentences.
“I’m sorry. Are you OK? Do you need an ice pack?”
I always keep ice packs in fun shapes in my lunch box. By offering the ice pack every time, they usually laugh about it especially if it’s not needed. The ice packs help when it’s minor too. By the time they get to the third sentence, they are both usually laughing again.
For more serious apologies I again help the students model the correct way to apologize and help them to understand that they should not hurt others. Students who have hurt someone else verbally are asked to bring their friend to the Happy Place to help cheer them up. The Happy Place is a special drawer that contains small fun objects like stress balls, mandella coloring pages, a music box, bubble wrap and glitter water balls.
Students understand that when they have hurt someone it’s their responsibility to help that person feel better.
For small or “old” cuts, we have a paramedic station next to our sink and they call for the Paramedic to help also. Paramedic is one of the class jobs. Paramedic must help to person get to the sink, open the band aid wrapper and dispose of it, and watch while the injured person washes the “cut”. They must also pat the person on the back while saying “There, there, it’s OK.” This way they see that they have a responsibility to help an injured person. It’s also necessary to give them the words to say since most people feel awkward when helping others and the “there, there” helps them to laugh and feel better. Note that for serious injuries they go to the school clinic.
Humor helps to diffuse the situation when they have hurt each others feelings.